Why Am I Happy to Lag Behind?


My Life has been a hell of a rollercoaster but recently it has shown some signs of stopping. Not that I have been doing less or suddenly became little productive, I only started realising that working my a** off will not make me happy nor give my life a true meaning. Therefore, I started doing things that make sense and will take me forward on the way to satisfaction.


Ever since I moved abroad, I have been behind. During A-levels (two final years at college), I was a year older than my classmates and had to complete an education a year later to others. Afterwards, I decided to take a gap year, once again, older than most of other gap-year students. Finally, I started university, however, then I decided it was not right for me and had to go through the whole process of applying and getting into university all over again.

“Receiving diploma does not mean having a bright future. Now I know.”

This year, with many of my friends graduating, I am a happy first year student who has the vision of completing her first degree at the age of more than a quarter of a century (hopefully). And what? Does that make me worth less or look duller? (No need to answer here.)


Spreading my study years across almost infinitely gave me a great opportunity to stop and stare. In other words, observe other people’s mistakes and learn from them. It kills me seeing my friends receiving their diplomas and struggling to find any (purposeful) jobs. It thrills me to be able to be there for them and provide guidance. Who am I, however, to give them support? They are the ones who should be qualified enough to fight their way through themselves.

“Taking time out allows one to stop and re-value the choices”

What does education really give us? It is the weapons to find inequality, it is the tools to create the perfect career? Is it the guidance to make our dream come true? Receiving a degree is not the end of a journey, it only symbolizes the break between the endless-partying and the transition into the life of grown-ups. We can still hold (onto) our best friend’s hand, one day, however, the hand will split out and our ways will part. Staying a step behind, or maybe in front of, others allows me to re-value my opinion and make my choices a little more conscious. Without all that time, I would not be where I am now, almost happy and nearly satisfied with life.


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